This past month has been nothing short of challenging. It came with a lot of ‘silent pain’ which I describe as silent because it’s not the kind that makes you want to scream or even talk about it. Mostly because you don’t know why it’s there. That doesn’t change the fact that it is there and very real. I remember that as I kid I used to have a recurring dream, or should I say nightmare, that I was running as fast as I could as if someone or something was chasing me but I wasn’t moving from the spot. I looked down at my legs, I could see them moving but they were numb and heavy and I wasn’t going forward, as if gravity was working against me.
I remembered this the other day and I realised that whilst I might not have that dream anymore I still have that same underlying fear that often controls most of my decisions, or lack thereof. It’s the fear of not getting anywhere, and time running out no matter how hard you try. You know that feeling when you have 1% phone battery and you desperately need to send an email or call a cab and you get this overwhelming anxiety with a side of panic attack? So think of that feeling and imagine having it 24/7. I know, it’s terrifying.
Anyways, what I was trying to say is that there is this anxiety that comes with trying to figure out who the F you are, what you want and how to get it, that is actually very sad and pointless if you think about it.
If, just for a second, we imagine the hypothesis to be that we eventually are going to figure out who we are, why are we in such a rush to win the race? Isn’t it true that by getting lost we end up finding treasures we weren't looking for? I mean why else does everyone always use labyrinths as metaphors, am I right? I don’t want to make hasty decisions, jump into anything just because ‘at least that’s something’ even though, granted, I hate the discomfort of not knowing. What if the only way to figure things out is by letting go of the notion that we have to know right now and just get lost in the beauty of being curious about everything and nothing, overthinking, questioning and in a constant state of discomfort. Paradoxically there somehow is a freedom in it, don’t you think?
Safari Jacket: Sunad | Bell sleeve top: asos found second-hand from charity shop | Pants: very old from Zara, similar sustainable alternative here | Heels: My very first pair I bought 4 years ago and treat better than my life by Jimmy Choo | Gold hoops: Giolina & Angelo handcrafted in Milan | Sunglasses: vintage
Photography: Alanna Pinho
THE SUSTAINABILITY FACTOR
SUNAD is a Madrid-based brand that works only with quality natural fibers. Pieces are designed, cut and assembled in Spain to support the country’s legacy of textiles and craftsmanship. I have matched their Sonora Piedra Safari Jacket with a top that I bought a few months back second-hand from a charity shop in Notting Hill and the black high waisted pants that I've had for years and once caused me to trip and break my phone - still love them.
explore how I have previously worn some of the items in this post